by Jamaica Kincaid
Wash the white clothes on Monday
and put them on the stone heap; wash the color clothes on Tuesday and put them
on the clothesline to dry; don’t walk bare-head in the hot sun; cook pumpkin
fritters in very hot sweet oil; soak your little cloths right after you take
them off; when buying cotton to make yourself a nice blouse, be sure that it
doesn’t have gum in it, because that way it won’t hold up well after a wash;
soak salt fish overnight before you cook it; is it true that you sing benna in
Sunday school?; always eat your food in such a way that it won’t turn someone
else’s stomach; on Sundays try to walk like a lady and not like the slut you
are so bent on becoming; don’t sing benna in Sunday school; you mustn’t speak
to wharf-rat boys, not even to give directions; don’t eat fruits on the
street—flies will follow you; but I don’t sing benna on Sundays at all
and never in Sunday school; this is how to sew on a button; this is
how to make a buttonhole for the button you have just sewed on; this is how to
hem a dress when you see the hem coming down and so to prevent yourself from
looking like the slut I know you are so bent on becoming; this is how you iron
your father’s khaki shirt so that it doesn’t have a crease; this is how you
iron your father’s khaki pants so that they don’t have a crease; this is how
you grow okra—far from the house, because okra tree harbors red ants; when you
are growing dasheen, make sure it gets plenty of water or else it makes your
throat itch when you are eating it; this is how you sweep a corner; this is how
you sweep a whole house; this is how you sweep a yard; this is how you smile to
someone you don’t like too much; this is how you smile to someone you don’t
like at all; this is how you smile to someone you like completely; this is how
you set a table for tea; this is how you set a table for dinner; this is how
you set a table for dinner with an important guest; this is how you set a table
for lunch; this is how you set a table for breakfast; this is how to behave in
the presence of men who don’t know you very well, and this way they won’t
recognize immediately the slut I have warned you against becoming; be sure to
wash every day, even if it is with your own spit; don’t squat down to play
marbles—you are not a boy, you know; don’t pick people’s flowers—you might
catch something; don’t throw stones at blackbirds, because it might not be a
blackbird at all; this is how to make a bread pudding; this is how to make
doukona; this is how to make pepper pot; this is how to make a good medicine
for a cold; this is how to make a good medicine to throw away a child before it
even becomes a child; this is how to catch a fish; this is how to throw back a
fish you don’t like, and that way something bad won’t fall on you; this is how
to bully a man; this is how a man bullies you; this is how to love a man, and
if this doesn’t work there are other ways, and if they don’t work don’t feel
too bad about giving up; this is how to spit up in the air if you feel like it,
and this is how to move quick so that it doesn’t fall on you; this is how to
make ends meet; always squeeze bread to make sure it’s fresh; but what
if the baker won’t let me feel the bread?; you mean to say that after all
you are really going to be the kind of woman who the baker won’t let near the
bread?
Published in the print edition of the June 26, 1978, issue. The New Yorker.
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